Tuesday, November 1, 2005

A Public Apology to Freedom City

Citizens of Freedom City,

As you all know by know, a few days ago this blog announced the winner of our Sexiest Villain contest. At the time, we had no idea that Gwen Nugent had been given access to the Internet during her extended stay at the Mount Snow Mental Care Facility, nor did we realize that reading this simple blog post could trigger her transformation into the Hellqueen, resulting in the destruction of said facility and the subsequent plane-shifting of the Riverside Starbucks and the eight blocks surrounding it to Limbo.

We apologize for any discomfort or distress this may have caused the citizens of our fair city, and would like to sincerely thank Reason, the Analytical Sorcerer, for returning us and the Starbucks to this reality and defeating Hellqueen's plans to transform all of Freedom City's males into her personal demoic sex slaves, which sounded much cooler than it actually was.

Once again, we apologize.

The Staff of the Constant Sentinel

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Sexiest Villain Contest Winner: Hellqueen

Last month, we started an online poll asking you to vote for the sexiest villain to ever threaten Freedom City. Well, the votes are in, and the winner is ...


That's right -- Her Demonic Hotness herself, the woman who loved Captain Thunder so much she went to the Abyss and back for him, is our winner. Granted, her headcase alter ego Gwen Nugent has all the sex appeal of a mouse, but when she's infused with demonic power and wearing those fishnet stockings, well, it just goes to show that hell is very, very hot.

Please read our public apology about this post -- Ed.

Wednesday, March 2, 2005

Rock On

It appears Freedom City has another new hero, which is just as well given that the Freedom League has seen fit to abandon us.

Yesterday we received reports of a huge brawl that broke out in the warehouse district between the rock-plated juggernaut Granite (he of Factor Four fame) and a gray-skinned giant named, well, Gray. The fight began after Granite stole $1.5 million in diamonds from a Southside warehouse and began crashing his way through a hastily erected police barricade.

No one knows where this new hero came from, but he showed up within minutes, and immediately began to put the smack down on Granite. The fight destroyed two city buildings, but it ended with Granite unconscious, the diamonds recovered, and the city with a new hero.

He may not be imaginative, but he sure as hell is strong. Welcome to Freedom City, Mr. Gray!