The Constant Sentinel

All Hail the Kings in Yellow!

2007-07-08T12:47:00.000-04:00

The Kings in Yellow are finally back in town! I first saw them back in '03 when they started out at Freedom City University. Normally I'm not into the whole alternative scene but there's something about their music – it's like it creates a freaking dreamscape in your head, you know? Half the time I don't have a clue what they're singing about -- hell, no one does, since they refuse to post their lyrics to the web or publish them in liner notes -- but the other half ... well, demons., slayers, epic sword fights, tales of magic beyond imaginging, what's not to like?

Anyway, they've been touring up and down the Eastern Seaboard because of their new album, The Unblinking Eye, and they'll be back in Freedom City for one night on Saturday, July 21. They'll be playing an outdoor concert on the Quad at FCU.

You Can Be My Weather Girl Anytime...

2007-07-07T17:02:00.000-04:00

The one good thing to come out of June's heatwave has got to be Jennifer Locksley over at WCZA Channel 7 News. She's is definitely the new hotness; I mean, she's got me watching the freaking news again! On TV! When it's actually being broadcast!

It was a total masterstroke for the management to hire a former Miss Freedom contestant. I hear she's actually going to school at Freedom City U for her bachelors in meteorology. Makes me want to re-enroll this semester -- I mean, I only have 20 more credits to go to get my bachelors in Media Studies, and I love studying her media ... it's like fate or something.

The Storm of the Decade

2007-07-07T07:29:00.000-04:00

Holy crap.

That's all I can say. Holy frakking crap!

Ok, that's not all I can say. "I told you so" also comes to mind. I mean, the Loser League heads to the outer edge of the solar system, leaving Earth -- and Freedom City -- all but defenseless and what to you know, one of their archenemies decides to launch an all-out assault on the frakking city!

Weather machines, massive floods, thunderstrikes that make Thor look like an amateur, cats and dogs, living together, I mean we were about 30 minutes from mass hysteria!

Though I've got to admit, it was pretty damn cool. Dr. Stratos sets up weather machines all over the city, used them to supercharge his own powers, then blasted ol'Blackstone.
They say one tower is destroyed, the electrical systems are toast, and they've got a whole armada of prison boats out there moving inmates to other prisons.

But hey, the whole world didn't got instantly to hell, despite the utter lack of effort by "Earth's Greatest Heroes". One of my HIT friends said he saw Dragoon show up at the Promenade and take out the weather machine there and rumor has it his friends took out two more of the things at the Federal Building downtown and the Golden Calf over on Southside.

Then the band went out to Penitentiary, and according to the Pinstriped Blogger, they beat the crap out of Mirror Man and Brickbrack. Of course, they let a bunch of villains get away too, including Crime Leaguer Devil Ray and those two losers Rant and Rave, but they did pretty good for a bunch of fourth-stringers.

VideoTech Can Kiss My Shiny Metal Ass

2007-07-05T19:01:00.000-04:00

I'm sick of it. I rent a DVD from VideoTech for the first time in what, 10 years? 'Cause you know, they said that they'd "Defeated Late Fees For All Time!" But that's bogus, because I returned the DVD like two weeks late, and they tell me they weren't charging me a late fee ... they were just selling me the damn DVD! And while the chicks in Gingersnaps III were hot and all, it just wasn't worth $25.99.

To I'm done with VideoTech; they can kiss my business good-bye. I'm going back to Tivo. Once I figure out how to convince it I'm not a transsexual cross-dresser who likes cooking shows. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but ummm, it's just not my scene.

Politics as Unusual

2007-07-04T18:59:00.000-04:00

The political debates have everyone excited about politics, spending hours engaging in intellectual, well-reasoned debates at their local coffee shops.

Ok, that's not true. In reality, I saw some Greens doing a puppet show protest outside the CBN Studios during the last Republican debate, which included caricatures of Ronald Reagan battling each other for control of his own crumbling crown. And that was just the debate. The puppet show had W performing unnatural acts on a demon. Or maybe a Haliburton executive ... it was hard to tell.

What's amazing is that people in this city really do seem to be interested in politics -- according to the Freedom Ledger, voter turnout in 2006 was at 54.8%, which is just amazing when you think about it. And hell, that wasn't even a presidential election year; in 2004 it was 81.3%!. Voter breakdown was 45% Democrat, 41% Republican, 8% Moonbat (err, Libertarian) and 1% Green.

Why was turn out so high? I don't know -- maybe it's just the spirit of Lantern Jack, the mystic watchman (and sharp colonial dresser!) who's been haunting the city since Revolutionary times. Or maybe it's just that everyone wants to make sure they get their cut of the next federal bailout when supers level downtown again. Or maybe, you know, people just care.

Nah, couldn't be that.

Poll: The Far Star Debacle

2007-07-03T18:23:00.000-04:00

So a while back I started a poll asking "Is the Freedom League inviting doom upon us all by investigating the Far Star?" and it looks like a overwhelming majority of my readership agrees that the disaster is nigh, with 5 voting yes, and 1 voting know (and you just know that 1 was the Prince of Cutlery).

Good to know I'm the the only one who things that the Freedom League's egos hit orbit about the same time their space station did.

Downshafted?

2007-07-02T21:33:00.000-04:00

Looks like there have been a bunch of locked door mysteries in Downtown over the past week. The Freedom Ledger's reporting four burglaries at Freedom City shops -- one electronics place, two jewelry shops (including the venerable Haas Brothers Jewelers, you know, the one with the two guys with diamond studs in their eye brows?), and a pawn shop -- in which all the merchandise was stolen but the doors of the shops were never unlocked and the alarms were never tripped.

Police say they don't have any suspects, but that's because their frakking idiots. Of course there's a suspect. His name is Downtime, and this fits his MO perfectly: freeze time, spend a few hours perfectly picking the lock, freeze time again to avoid the alarms, steal everything in sight, then leave. Mark my words, we'll see a bunch of more of these in the coming days. And why will we see this? Because the only hero who could stop him -- Mr. Johnny Rocket -- is off with the Loser League fighting dangerous space rocks at the edge of the solar system, once again leaving us wide open for all manner of criminals.

But wait ... maybe we'll get really lucky and their hyperintelligent space station will come down and save us.

We're sending you ... BACK to the FUTURE!

2007-07-02T08:38:00.000-04:00

Looks like someone's decided to take advantage of the last few days worth of freakishly stormy weather, and it's probably not Dr. Emmitt Brown (though there was that one guy with crazy white hair). I saw a crew of FCU researchers is assembling some sort of weather monitoring device over in the Promenade park last night in Hanover while I was heading over to the Hanover Institute of Technology for my weekly Warhammer 40k game.

At least, I'm guessing it was FCU; none of the guys at HIT know anything about it, but the way they were grumbling it sounded like FCU beat them to the bunch on some meteorological geek out they were planning. There were some police there, overseeing the whole thing, so I'm guessing it's in the clear, you never know -- maybe a bunch of shape-shifting Grue have set down in the park to setup space beacons so that they can do pin-point laser barrages of the city.

Oh, and I so kicked ass last night in Warhammer; my Ork army can not be defeated!

The Unfab Four

2007-07-01T21:48:00.000-04:00

Since they've apparently decided to go elemental on Freedom City again, I figured I'd better give a quick refresher on the Factor Four, one of the dumbest super-villain teams known to mankind, who'd be completely laughable if it weren't for the genius of their leader, Professor Fathom.

So who are they? Well, exactly who they were isn't really known, but who they are now is. You've got Granite, who's as big as a mountain and about as dumb. There's Sylph, a woman who assumes a gasous wraith form and appears to only be good for suffocating her opponents. Apparently, she was quite the hottie before achieving her superpowers, but frankly I don't want to date any woman I can see through. Pyre is the fire elemental of the group (you knew there had to be one, right?) who can shoot burning rays from his hands, fly at something like Mach 3 and is stupid enough to try and drive a car while still in flame form, with the results you'd expect.

This anti-brain trust is led by Professor Fathom, who apparently gave them their powers and who has led them on a nationwide (and on one memorable occasion in London, worldwide) crime spree. Based on what they've tried to steal, and the fact that no one's ever seen them transform to or from non-elemental forms, I'm guessing they're permanently stuck in their Fire & Ice knockoff forms.

They've done some amazing things -- animating the Statue of Liberty to attack New York, causing a magma eruption in Los Angeles (who'd have thought a lame Hollywood movie could actually happen?) and even stealing a chunk of the Titanic from some salvagers. But however brilliant's plans, inevitably one of the rest of the Factor does something boneheaded (like say, attacking a superhero in broad daylight in the Wharf District), gets caught by the authorities and gets thrown into jail until Fathom can break them out again.

ROCK FIGHT!!!

2007-06-30T18:18:00.000-04:00

Damn. I wish I worked on the docks.

This morning a huge section of one of the warehouses got swallowed up by a sink hole. But not just any sinkhole: one created by the Factor Four villain Granite. Didn't know he could do that particular trick did you? Neither did the gray-skinned hero who showed up to fight him, who the FreedomWiki (sorry, site's down now or I'd link to it) identifies as a hero named ... Gray, who fought Granite in Southside last year.

Gray. 'Cause, you know, his skin is, ummm, gray.

Anyway, Gray shows up to save the day and rescue a worker who was about to get swallowed by it when all of a sudden Granite pops up and starts hammering him into the ground. Ok, Gray got in a good shot or two -- or so says the video that was up on YouTube this morning already down -- damn you NBC for buying up the rights). But then Granite's totally got him reeling, and then it gets even better because Sylph shows up and tries to vaporize the dominated Gray.

But Gray, he's apparently got friends in weird places because suddenly there's this speedster there, dressed all in black, pounding on Granite, and then this ghost of a Goth chick -- I kid you not, it was all on the video -- shows up and scares the crap out of Slyph. Granite takes her with a shockwave (that trick never gets old), then two more freaking heroes show up -- Paladin (the guy who saved the plane yesterday) and some other guy with these high-powered bracers. And the guy with the bracers nails Granite with an energy blast that drops him instantly.

So Granite is down, the heroes win the day, and we still don't know who half of them are. But we'll work on that -- post your leads to this entry or email me at infinitylord01@gmail.com.

Look, Up in the Air ... It's a Green/Yellow ... Something

2007-06-29T17:54:00.000-04:00

Big happenings in the skies over Freedom City this morning as Noreaster Flight 7112, a 747 out of Newark (or is that "Eternal Spirit of Freedom International Airport" now) had an engine explode on its way into Jordan Airport. With all of the city's heroes otherwise occupied on a fool's errand to the Oort Cloud, someone else had to step up to save the plane.

And someone did. His name's Paladin (or at least, that's the callsign he was using on the police band) and he showed up just in the nick of time to help the plane lumber its way into the airport (nearly clipping a couple of buildings on the way in). He apparently used a combination of super-strength and force shields to land the plane at Jordan, single-handily saving the day. I admit, I'm a little confused as to how he unloaded the plane so quickly (as are the authorities) but a portable teleportion device seems likely.

It's nice to see not all the supers have headed for starrier pastures, but one question for Paladin: green and yellow power armor? Really?

White, black, silver -- all classic looks, and good for someone trying to capture that whole Renaissance armor thing. But green and yellow -- it just doesn't say "knight" to me.

But hey, questionable color schemes aside, this Paladin was there to save the day, which is more than I can say for the Loser League.

Daily Word: Strange Orbs Seen in Green Bank, The Fens

2007-06-28T21:21:00.000-04:00

The Daily Word managed to get out an afternoon edition today and reported seeing flying around during the blackout (sorry "controlled roaming brownouts"). Ok, we've seen the weird flying mechanical things from time to time, a few times in the vicinity of that techno-knight power-suited guy, Paladin but not these orb things. And for them to show up now, after the Loser League left, during the blackout? Well ... I hate to keep saying hidden Grue conspiracy but ... hidden Grue conspiracy?

Powerless Among the People

2007-06-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

The power was out last night at my apartment, thus the lack of posts. Hell, it was out for most of the city, which should unnerve anyone who's suffered through Freedom City heatwaves in the past. This wasn't even a real heatwave -- it barely topped 94 three days running -- but the storms were bad enough.

Or did they have some help? With the Loser League out at the "Far Star", is this a sign that Dr. Stratos is back in town and looking to bring some pain down on the city of his arch-nemesis? Oh, wait, that's right ... former city of his arch-nemesis?

Or is this a sign that the Grue's diabolical global warming initiative is finally coming to fruition, and the amphibian invasion fleet is about to materialize above the planet?

Or has Green Planet returned and this is his latest attempt to super-saturate the city's plant life with sentience-granting super organics?

There are a lot of possible explanations ... and most of them aren't good.

The Freedom League (as of 6/26/07)

2007-06-26T21:32:00.000-04:00

Ever since the Freedom League left Freedom City to become space monkeys, there's been some confusion about whose actually in the League. Having your heroes abandoned you will have that effect. For the record here's the current line up of the Loser League, so you know who to blame when the Grue show up and turn us all into their mind slaves.

Captain Thunder: A Nolan Aircraft test pilot and Air Force man who gained super-strength, command of the elements, near-invulnerability, and supersenses while crashing the X-14 supersonic jet. Yes, that's right, spectacular failure gives rise to super-human powers -- if only we all had it so easy. Thunder's arch nemeses is Dr. Stratos, the weather mastermind, who revealed Thunder's true identity as Raymond Gardner a few years back.

Credit where credit is due, Thunder played a major role in turning back the Terminus Invasion in '93, and subsequently re-formed the Freedom League that Centurion had disbanded in the 80s. He was the one who got them to rebuild the League headquarters in Freedom City, but old age must be catching up with him as his fellow Leaguers were able to convince him to move to Earth orbit after the mid-00's Grue Invasion.

For some strange reason, Hellqueen is obsessed with Thunder; honestly, I just don't get what she sees in him.

Daedalus: The battlesuit wearing master inventor who probably inspired every knock-off powerarmor hero and villain you've ever read about. The suit's impervious to most attacks, grants him super strength, and lets him fly in space. Even without the suit though, he's supposed to be as brilliant (or even more so) than his father, the first Daedalus who served in the original Freedom League. Of course, he can't be that brilliant, since he's the one who designed the freaking Lighthouse.

Dr. Metropolis: The spirit of the city; he's the only Leaguer who didn't leave for that idiotic space station, but you'd expect that from a guy (well, I assume he's a guy) who draws his power from the raw ingenuity and power of the city. He's done more than anyone to repair the Freedom City after the Terminus Invasion, and he's the only true super hero we've got left.

Johnny Rocket: Johnny Rocket's grandfather was the first Rocket, back in the 1940s. Superspeed apparently skips a generation though, because although Johnny's dad didn't have superpowers, he does. The guy's so fast he can actually break through dimensions (which gave rise to that whole evil-universe invasion from a few years back; more on that another day). Two years ago an ex-boyfriend outed him as gay, and Rocket owned up to it. He gets a lot of crap for it, but again, credit where credit is due -- the Leaguers have stood buy him.

Lady Liberty: More cute than hot, but either way she'll kick your ass as the living embodiment of freedom. Personally I think it's a bit over the top the way she carries a flag around with her all the time -- I mean, geez, who does she think she is, the president? -- but she gets the job done.

Pseudo: A sure sign that the League is getting soft: they've got a freaking Grue working for them. That's right, Pseudo's one of those alien bastards who attacked Earth, and they let him hang out with them on their frakking space station. Oh sure, he's the one who told the League the invasion was coming in the first place, but if he turned traitor once, what's to stop him from turning traitor again? Not a damned thing, that's what.

Siren: Some say the green-haired beauty has the spirit of a Voodoo goddess trapped inside her, granting her command over sea animals, water and the weather. Whatever -- I want to know when she's going to be in Sport's Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition.

Star Knight: Earth's appointed interstellar defender. She proved her worth during the Grue Invasion, but she's half the freaking reason the League moved into orbit. Who do you think provided Daedalus with most of the toys to make his space station work?

The Grue Debacle

2007-06-25T21:44:00.000-04:00

On July 4, 2004, the shapeshifting aliens known as the Grue Unity attacked our solar system. Even three years later its still freaking hard to believe, but it's true -- an alien armada really did show up in our solar system hellbent on conquering Earth. The Loser League immediately launched a counterattack against them, but just because their headquarters is in space doesn't mean they actually know how to fight in space.

No, it was the Atom family that finally shut them down. Details are fuzzy -- the League spin doctors don't want us knowing what really happened, and the Atom family is too proud to brag -- but apparently one of the Atoms got his hands on the Moonstone at Lunar City and used it boost his mental powers, allowing him to go mind-to-mind with the Grue Over-Mind ... and the Grue lost.

Unfortunately, my detailed blog posts from that time -- including a minute-by-minute log of the destruction of the Grue fleet as observed through my backyard telescope -- were lost when a certain l33t-freak took down the site. I've got some backups on my old Linux box in the basement, and I'll dig them out when I have a chance.

Especially since I think those notes will come in handy in a few days...

Star? What Star?

2007-06-25T18:39:00.000-04:00

So some nerd at an observatory sees a new piece of space junk out at the ass end of the solar system, and the next think you know the Freedom League's assembling and flying out there in their Freedom Shuttle. So now not only is Freedom City defenseless, but so is the entire freaking planet!

Grue invasion anyone?

I don't care how "extremely unusual" the results of the celestial dirtball's "Reflectance Spectroscopy" results were -- you don't go and leave the whole freaking planet defenseless! Oh sure, the second stringers are still around, but man, man, why do you think they call them second stringers?

No, mark my words -- this is a distraction designed to draw "Earth's Greatest Defenders" away from the planet so the freaking Grue can get their revenge. And with the Atom family off who knows where, who will save us this time?

Crime League Update for 6/24/07

2007-06-24T17:27:00.000-04:00

You've been asking for it; here it is: the complete and up-to-date roster of the Crime League!

Dr. Stratos: brilliant meteorologist and atmosphere engineer turned supervillain who can command the weather itself. He is the leader of the Crime League, though word has it a certain big ape thinks he's running the show.

Dr. Simian: The aforementioned hyper-intelligent ape driven mad by science and hell-bent on the conquering Earth.

Blackstar: fallen member of the interstellar protectors known as Star Knights who took refuge on planet Earth after his attempts at galactic domination elsewhere failed. Way to go Star Knights! Dump your garbage here, then never bother to come and clean it up (oh yeah, sure, you send ONE Star Knight to do the job ... guess he wasn't quite up to it 'cause last I checked, Blackstar is still running around.

Devil Ray: If you need something stolen from underwater, Devil Ray is your man. Hey, it could happen. He's an aquatic power-suited villain and 'master thief' whose MANTA armor gives him super human strength, the ability to maneuver and breathe underwater, allows him to generate stunning bursts of electricity and guarantees him to be the lamest villain this side of the Zero Zone.

Hiroshima Shadow: Born in the atomic blast at Hiroshima, the Hiroshima Shadow is a sentient radioactive inferno determined to get revenge against the America for winning the war. He also apparently hates Japanese people because, umm, they're not hell-bent on world domination any more.

The Maestro: Brilliant conductor, sucky composer. But don't tell him that, or he'll use his mathematical command of music to make you like his stuff. His musical instruments can blast buildings with sonic energy, control the minds of the week, and even generate powerful walls of sound.

Medea: In a word, hot. In a few other words, really, REALLY hot. Also, beautiful, cunning, and a mistress of arcane energy. Also, she hates all men, the inventor-hero Daedelus in particular, but I'm telling you it's just because she hasn't met the right man. Infinity Lord, he could rock her world.

Orion the Hunter: Why the world's greatest hunter has joined the Crime League, no one knows. Normally a freelancer obsessed only with finding the most challenging hunts, he has recently taken to working with the League on high profile jobs. Orion is obsessed with killing Lady Liberty, who pissed him off by not dying when he tried to kill her.

Wildcard: A probability-altering criminal with a wicked and warped sense of humor. Or so they say; I hear the Mob really got his sense of humor, at least up until that joke where he got arrested by the Feds and did time. Not sure if he's still friendly with them or if he's on a different kind of list.

Freebooter: Just kidding. The "techno-pirate" is way too pathetic to be in this league. I'm telling you, pirates suck. Now ninjas, that's where the real power is.

WizKids: Where's our FreedomClix?

2007-06-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

WizKids is releasing their big HeroClix: Avengers set this month. They're making a big deal of it, since this is the 5th anniversary of the game's release, but frankly, I'm still disappointed. How many more years are we going to have to put up these fictional knockoffs before WizKids finally ponies up the licensing fees to get some real heroes in their game?

I mean hell, we've seen that second-rate Centurion that D.C. Comics calls "Superman" (could you get a more unimaginative name?) and a whole cast of mutant weirdness from Marvel Comics' X-Men (oh real imaginative -- a private high school with its own superhero team, I wonder where they got that one from *cough* Claremont Academy *cough*) but not a single real world hero has ever been released as a sculpt.

Lame.

I know Castle Comics can be notoriously difficult to work with, just like all those freaking blood-sucking agents that killed off the Freedom Friends back in 1960 (DVD will be out next month though .. w00t!) but come on, if we can have Indy Clix, we can certainly have frakking FreedomClix! Figure out a way to make this work -- talk with Castle, get the rights to the Freedom heroes, and get us our Clix!

YOU CAN'T STOP THE SENTINEL!

2007-06-23T21:13:00.000-04:00

Frakking hackers. Run a site for frakking 10 years, frakking get the respect of Earth's greatest heroes and what happens? Some frakking hacker thinking he's a frakking supervillain takes down the frakking site!

Freebooter. Frakking-A. Man -- I mean, come on, a frakking cyborg pirate alternate ego? How lame is that? -- and next thing you know, your Frakking site is down.

Well, you can't stop the Signal, and you can't stop the Sentinel! We're back, and I'm porting all the old posts over to the new Blogger blog. Let's see if Freebooter can take down frakking Google!!!

15 Years Later: Still No Moore!

2007-06-20T21:30:00.000-04:00

People are idiots. 15 years ago FORCE OPS showed Franklin Moore for the crooked politician (are there any other kind?) he was. He gets drummed out of town after Michael "Golden Boy" O'Conner sweeps him in the '92 election.

And now he's frakking back. Seems like there's a bunch of politicos and business creeps (and others who I can't name, 'cause, you know, I like breathing) who say Moore's rehabilitated, and that it's time to bring back his "zero tolerance" platform on "costumed terrorists". And of course he's running as a frakking Republican. Idiots -- he hasn't changed his stripes; hell he should be wearing frakking prison stripes. And he would if all those records FORCE OPS turned up hadn't been ruled inadmissible.

Don't get me wrong -- there's no way that O'Conner should get a fourth term even if he is an "independent" but this is not the way to stop him.. We need fresh blood, not frakking recycled green blood.

An Open Letter to Dr. Metropolis

2007-05-02T22:20:00.000-04:00

Dr. Metropolis:

They say you are the living embodiment of the city, that you instinctively understand Freedom City on a level that the rest of us can't even comprehend. And after seeing the wonders you wrought rebuilding the city after the Terminus invasion during the 1990s, it's obvious that they are right. You know this city, you know what's right for it, even if you won't take a political stand against the stagnating malignancy that is the Michael O'Conner administration.

We know you have the city's best interests at heart which is why I urge you to break your affiliation with the Freedom League. Our city has borne the brunt of countless extraplaner, extraterrestrial, and even subterranean invasions and yet the Freedom League has abandoned us to our fate, abandoned this city to its fate so that they can secret themselves away in their Lighthouse.

In leaving, they betrayed us. You though, you are still here. You understand why this is the greatest city on Earth, and that's why you must sever your ties to the Freedom League. Your place is here, not on some space station, not in the depths of space. It's here.

We need you. Your city needs you. Your city understands you. The League does not.

Sincerely,

Infinity Lord
Editor
The Constant Sentinel

Centurion: Earth's Deadest Hero

2007-04-21T21:01:00.000-04:00

Centurion … Earth's Greatest Hero? Right, more like Earth's deadest hero!

The planet's greatest champion died fighting Omega and his legions on April 21, 1993. Omega had opened a portal from Terminus to Freedom City and sent hundreds -- no thousands -- of shock troopers through trying to establish a beachhead he could us to conquer Earth.

Centurion led the Freedom League in their counterstrike against Omega, and he landed the blow that shattered Terminus' dictator's containment suit. The energy backlash killed Centurion instantly, but allowed the rest of the Freedom League to drive the villain back through the gate.

That was 14 long years ago, Fourteen years without that famous fry of "Defeat to Tyrants!" Fourteen years Fourteen years without the sight of the sun glinting off his golden armor as he flies over the city. Fourteen years of lesser heroes dying and coming back from the dead. Fourteen years rotting in a tomb.

Pathetic.

Don't get me wrong -- Centurion was great in his day, one of the best if not the best. But real heroes don't stay dead. Real heroes do the Lazarus thing three or four times in their careers … and clones or androids or whatever other knock off has crawled out of the ooze this week doesn't count.

Real heroes don't let their fans down. And it's as simple as that.

Freedom Hall: Butt Ugly After All These Years

2007-04-19T21:54:00.000-04:00

So they destroyed Freedom Hall back in 2001, which on top of 9/11, well, that was just too frakking horrible. Sure, Daedalus was able to stop them from rampaging through the rest of the city (or so says the official history ... I agree with DRUDGE that there was more going on there), but the Hall was utterly destroyed.

The League rebuilt it almost immediately, bigger and "better", and beating the "Freedom Tower" by a half-dozen years.

They should have taken their time. 'Cause lets face it, it's a gilded pig. They threw up a trapezoid, plated it in frakking gold -- gold! -- and called it done. Let's face it, they didn't care because they knew they wouldn't be living there. They just let some trained monkeys throw crap at a paper, ok'd the design, and let that monstrocity be built knowing that their freaking space station would be done by 2005.

Now they're up there in the Lighthouse, and as far as their concerned, Freedom City is a second-class protectorate. They're too busy saving the world to give a rat's ass about us, and the craptacular Freedom Hall.

I say we take of and frakking nuke the thing from orbit, kick out the League, recruit some new heroes who care about our city and build a superhero headquarters worthy of Freedom City!

Mr. Metropolis ... tear down these walls!

A Public Apology to Freedom City

2005-11-01T17:49:00.000-05:00

Citizens of Freedom City,

As you all know by know, a few days ago this blog announced the winner of our Sexiest Villain contest. At the time, we had no idea that Gwen Nugent had been given access to the Internet during her extended stay at the Mount Snow Mental Care Facility, nor did we realize that reading this simple blog post could trigger her transformation into the Hellqueen, resulting in the destruction of said facility and the subsequent plane-shifting of the Riverside Starbucks and the eight blocks surrounding it to Limbo.

We apologize for any discomfort or distress this may have caused the citizens of our fair city, and would like to sincerely thank Reason, the Analytical Sorcerer, for returning us and the Starbucks to this reality and defeating Hellqueen's plans to transform all of Freedom City's males into her personal demoic sex slaves, which sounded much cooler than it actually was.

Once again, we apologize.

The Staff of the Constant Sentinel

Sexiest Villain Contest Winner: Hellqueen

2005-10-23T22:41:00.000-04:00

Last month, we started an online poll asking you to vote for the sexiest villain to ever threaten Freedom City. Well, the votes are in, and the winner is ...

Hellqueen

That's right -- Her Demonic Hotness herself, the woman who loved Captain Thunder so much she went to the Abyss and back for him, is our winner. Granted, her headcase alter ego Gwen Nugent has all the sex appeal of a mouse, but when she's infused with demonic power and wearing those fishnet stockings, well, it just goes to show that hell is very, very hot.

Please read our public apology about this post -- Ed.

Rock On

2005-03-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

It appears Freedom City has another new hero, which is just as well given that the Freedom League has seen fit to abandon us.

Yesterday we received reports of a huge brawl that broke out in the warehouse district between the rock-plated juggernaut Granite (he of Factor Four fame) and a gray-skinned giant named, well, Gray. The fight began after Granite stole $1.5 million in diamonds from a Southside warehouse and began crashing his way through a hastily erected police barricade.

No one knows where this new hero came from, but he showed up within minutes, and immediately began to put the smack down on Granite. The fight destroyed two city buildings, but it ended with Granite unconscious, the diamonds recovered, and the city with a new hero.

He may not be imaginative, but he sure as hell is strong. Welcome to Freedom City, Mr. Gray!